In November 2021, rock star Chris Daughtry was on the road with his eponymous band when he got the phone call that is any father's worst nightmare. His 25-year-old daughter Hannah — who had been struggling with mental illness, addiction, and an abusive relationship, and had lost her biological father to suicide just months earlier - had also died by suicide.
Daughtry was still privately mourning the very recent death of his mother when he was hit with this shocking news. He understandably immediately canceled his tour to retreat from the public eye and spend time with his wife Deanna and their devastated family, and did not release any new music for almost two years — only returning to the spotlight with the hard-charging "Artificial" in August 2023.
But now the singer-songwriter and multiplatinum American Idol alumnus is back with "Pieces," another track from his band's forthcoming comeback EP, and it's his most deeply personal song to date, inspired by these family tragedies. He's also back on the road, touring with Breaking Benjamin, and this week from his dressing room at the Peoria Civic Center, he took a break to open up to Music Times about grief, guilt, loss, therapy, mental health... and how writing and performing "Pieces" has helped him, his family, and even some of his fans heal.
"Pieces" is about two losses that occurred extremely close together. I don't think I realized how close they were...
CHRIS DAUGHTRY: Yeah, yeah — they were a week apart, or just under that.
I can't even imagine what you were going through. Why did you choose to write about those losses then, and release the song now?
I don't think it was this conscious choice to write about it, as much as it was a necessity. I felt like it was just what was brewing inside of me. When we started writing for the new record, I had been jotting down some ideas, or recording some ideas into my phone, when I started feeling inspired again. I had been ruminating on ideas that were kind of bubbling at the surface, and they all kind of just started coming out in this song. I think that's my way of coping with anything. A lot of people have [other artists'] songs that help get them through hard times, but I end up having to write those songs for myself. It was definitely coming from a very real place. And since I've written the song, it's made me look at other situations in my life as healing from that. Even things that happened in my childhood have kind of come to the surface over time, and I'm like, "Oh my God, I guess I could have been talking about that..."
I've started going to therapy, and it cracks open some things that essentially cause certain parts of your identity or personality to form — maybe things that you blocked out or just didn't really think about for whatever reason. You start to go back in time and go, "Oh wow, oh wow, oh wow. That's why I do this. Maybe my childhood was not as great as I thought." But I think that's just me being a self-aware adult who's willing to look long and hard in the mirror and face things that maybe I haven't in my entire life. I think I have benefited quite a bit from therapy, and in the case of this song, sometimes I write and don't realize what I'm going to get out of it until later. All kinds of different things resonate with me that may not have at the time I was writing it, and I realize it can connect to something later. And I'm like, "Oh wow, it was almost like my subconscious needed to get that out."
When did you start going to therapy?
I actually started last year. I was going for a little while pre-pandemic and kind of stopped going when everything shut down. I personally like the in-person vibe more than Zoom. I think it just gets me out of my element for a minute. Just being in the room [with the therapist] is really helpful for me. I feel like, I don't know, I'm in a safer place to go where I need to go.
What was the timeline between when you lost your daughter and mother in November 2021 and when you wrote "Pieces"?
I think it was January or February of 2023 when we wrote the song and finished it.
Oh, that's actually a substantial amount of time. It's not like you were in the thick of it when you wrote the song.
No, no, no. I'm more of a harvester of information during the hardest times. I know some people put it on paper right in that moment, but I've never really been one to do that. I kind of stopped existing for a minute and just shut down. I wasn't on social media. We canceled a tour. I existed within the walls of my home and my family, and that was it. I don't think there are any rules to how you grieve, and it's not a linear process. I was just allowing myself to go through the wave of emotions. And after a few months, I felt like I was ready to start.
Now that you're touring again, you're finally playing "Pieces" live and putting it out into the universe. It's no longer just a page in your private lyric book. How has that process been for you?
Typically, I'm able to... I wouldn't say disconnect, because I'm always connected to the song, but I'm able to keep my emotions in check. And then there's moments come out of nowhere that it hits me. It happened while shooting the music video, and it happened last night onstage. I think it's in the breakdown of the song [the line "I'm still learning to live"] where there's a chance to really breathe and just think about what I'm saying, because I am still learning. I am still trying to figure this out. Some days are easier than others. Some days it hits as if it just happened. And last night [onstage at the Erie Insurance Arena in Pennsylvania] I remember getting to that part and I just felt the lip-quiver happening in the middle of singing, "I'm learning, I'm learning." And so, the rest of the song became very difficult to sing because it felt like there was a fist around my throat.
But it's OK, because in some weird way, I welcome that when it happens, because it is an expression of that love that I didn't get to express. It's moments like that when it's like, "I wish I could say this to you now." That happens few and far between, but when it does, it's very visceral and I don't want to block it. I want it to move through me. So, it's not like, "Oh no, we're playing this song, this is going to be a tough one!" It actually feels great to have "Pieces" out in the world and to perform it live. I love the song so much, and I want people to feel something and hopefully find their own healing in the song.
I imagine you have already gotten feedback from fans about how they related to it or how it has helped them.
Yeah, when we released the first audio clip teasing the song and the quote that I posted on Instagram essentially saying what it's about, there was such a flood of incredible support, stuff like, "I'm so happy you wrote this. I'm going through this and I can already tell this is going to be a huge song of healing for me." It's just been overwhelmingly positive, like: "Thank you for being so vulnerable. Thank you for pouring your heart out and sharing what had to be the most difficult time ever with us." I haven't been keeping up with all the comments because I can get too involved and too invested and next thing you know, my entire day is gone. I have to be careful with how much time I spend on social media for my own mental health. But everything I've read has been very, very heartwarming.
I picked up on something you said when you mentioned those occasional moments when it's hard for you to perform "Pieces" live. It reminded me of your interview on Kelly Clarkson's talk show about feeling guilty. I think guilt is a common emotion for anyone who's experiened a loss, particularly if it was to suicide. How are you dealing with your guilt these days?
I think the guilt comes in when a memory will spark out of nowhere and it'll kind of trigger, like, "I wish I would've done this response. I wish I would've said this in that moment. I wish..." But I think that's just something we all do. It's kind of like punishing yourself, in a way, because there isn't anything you can do. There isn't any going back there. I wish I would've told my mom stuff. I wish I would've spent more time on the phone with her when she was talking my ears off about absolutely nothing and I was like, "Hey Mom, I gotta go." Those are moments where you're like, "S---, I wish I would've just shut the f--- up and let her just have her moment to talk and have that connection somehow." Those are times that certainly trigger this guilty emotion. But like I said in the song, I'm learning to live with it. I'm learning to accept what is and what was and try to appreciate all the other times, all the great memories and the moments that felt really connected. And I get visits in my dreams sometimes, which feel like little gifts from the universe.
Oh really? Do you believe that your mother and Hannah can hear this song? I don't know if you believe in an afterlife or anything like that.
I believe in a spiritual realm, absolutely. And I know that they are really proud, actually.
That's awesome. I also wonder how your wife Deanna reacted when she first heard "Pieces." When a couple goes through an unspeakable tragedy like the loss of a child, it can bring them closer together — or do just the opposite, and the relationship never recovers.
Oh, she cried. These situations have been known to tear people apart, yes. But it has brought us closer than we've ever been. Our family is everything, and we are as tight-knit a tribe as we can be. I actually have my 13-year-old son on tour with me right now for the first time — which is its own set of challenges! — but he is a musician and he's just loving every bit of it. But yeah, it definitely hit her without me even saying what this song is about. She knew immediately. She's never one to hold back if she doesn't like something, but this one, I think, just hit different.
You've released two tracks so far from your EP, out later this year: "Pieces" and "Artificial." Will the rest of the EP delve into the emotions you've explored in therapy? Is your therapy informing your songwriting?
Yeah, there's a lot of dealings with mental health on this record, and that's just a product of where I am, and was, while writing this. This is just what came out. This is all I can speak about right now, and I'm really proud of it. It's been a very cathartic process getting all of this out, and with every song I'm listening and connecting to it on a deeper level than I think I've ever connected to our music before. I hope that that's the case for everyone listening.
I am sure it will be. Thank you for being so open — in your lyrics and in this interview. I will leave you now with one much lighter question, one I can't resist asking. Katy Perry is leaving American Idol as a judge after this current season, and I remember when Idol was being rebooted by ABC, your name was in the rumor mill as a possible judge. If that offer came now, would you consider being Katy's replacement and joining the Idol panel?
I'm not opposed to it! I think there was probably a time where I would have been terrified of being too honest and hurting people's spirit, but I feel like I've been around the block enough where I'd have some sound advice to offer. So yeah, I'm not opposed to that idea if they came calling.
If you or someone you know is considering suicide, please contact the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline by dialing 988, text "STRENGTH" to the Crisis Text Line at 741741 or go to 988lifeline.org.
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