30 Years of The VMA's: Music Times Fixes MTV's Errors from 1984 for Michael Jackson, The Police and Herbie Hancock

This week marks the 30th anniversary of the original MTV Video Music Awards. It, like the concept of music videos in general, was a work in progress. There were a few choices from the judges that were beyond questionable, that would have 1984 Kanye West losing his mind onstage.

Music Times looks back at the major awards presented and makes the revisions that history needs for closure.

Video of The Year

Winner: "You Might Think" by The Cars

Should Have Won: "Thriller" by Michael Jackson

Seriously? Do we need to explain this?!? Music videos have evolved mightily since 1984 but "Thriller" remains a staple of "best of" lists and could be justified as the greatest music short of all time. Michael Jackson was going H.A.M. before we could even imagine what that meant. The lengthened plot, the great song and the horrific werewolf transformation scene. I mean, compare this with the schlocky video editing tricks featured in the rest of the videos in this article and it's just mind-blowing what a higher level Jacko was working on. We don't mean to trash on The Cars as "You Might Think" is a humorous clip featuring a few clever shots (like when vocalist Ric Ocasek opens his face). But there is simply no comparing to "Thriller."

Best Male Video

Winner: "China Girl" by David Bowie

Should Have Won: "Rockit" by Herbie Hancock

Once again, "Thriller" is the true winner here but for the sake of keeping things interesting we'll give someone else the prize (a la Taylor Swift winning Best Female Video over Beyoncé). David Bowie's "China Girl" already made us somewhat uncomfortable but this video—featuring clips of Sydney, Bowie giving himself "Asian-eyes" and seducing a Chinese lover who seems to be dressed up rather Indonesian—we just can't. "Rockit" by Herbie Hancock would have been our video of the year had Jackson not run away with it. The clip is like an odd hybrid of a Robotics 101 project and Avant Garde art exhibit. A small mob of misshapen robots herk-and-jerk all over, somewhat in tune to Hancock's electronic/hip-hop hybrid instrumental classic.

Best Female Video

Winner: "Girls Just Want to Have Fun" by Cyndi Lauper

Should Have Won: "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun"

The video for Lauper's immortal dedication to a night on the town serves as a continuation of the album cover for She's So Unusual. Lauper, presumably lacking any rhythm (we can't judge), dances down a busy street, shocking men with the notion that she and her friends just want to have fun, culminating in a big, hectic throwdown in her bedroom. It's some of the worst choreography we've ever seen but that's more or less the point: It's a fun song with a fun video. We love the comedic intro/outro to Bette Midler's Rolling Stones cover, "Beast of Burden," but Mick Jagger deserves most of the credit. MTV chose right here.

Best Group Video

Winner: "Legs" by ZZ Top

Should Have Won: "Every Breath You Take" by The Police

"Legs" was just one chapter in the Eliminator series where ZZ Top served as guardian angels for losers in the working class, rolling up in a hot rod, making a joke out of the overbearing boss and providing them with attractive women to ogle. This video gets a boost over "Sharp Dressed Man" (also nominated) because of the band's fuzzy guitars. However The Police deserve the nod for being among the only acts to realize that being low-key could work for music videos. Sting plays an upright bass and a violin quartet accompanies throughout the toned-down, black and white video. The only regrettable shots in the whole shebang involve the vocalist's Jaggeresque-lip moments.

Best New Artist in a Video

Winner: "Sweet Dream (Are Made of These)" by The Eurythmics

Should Have Won: "Sweet Dreams"

The Eurythmics were just one of many groups that felt that the only to not go wrong was to create as absurd a music a video as possible. It works for the time thanks to vocalist Annie Lennox's intense eyes and the frequent appearances of cows throughout. Multi-instrumentalist David A. Stewart is the real star however, serving as the silent Teller to Lennox's vocal Penn. He rocks awesome sunglasses and carries out basic tasks like typing on a computer while bovine costars attempt to disrupt him. For the record, "Sweet Dreams" doesn't live up to Lauper's "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun," which was also nominated, but once again we'll give another performer the win so everybody gets a trophy.

Tags

Michael Jackson, David Bowie, Cyndi Lauper, Herbie Hancock, Zz top, The Police, The Eurythmics