Few people realize just how different the music across the pond is from that we listen to in America, that the Hot 100 doesn't exist in the UK and that it's equivalent to our singles chart doesn't just feature a whole bunch of American artists with even more One Direction and Ellie Goulding tracks. Music Times is looking back at the last five decades of music, and at the no. 1 hits on May 9 every ten years on the spot, going back to 1975. The ultimate contest, of course, is which country has better taste.
Let's start with the old stuff first:
1975: "If" by Telly Savalas (UK) vs. "Have You Never Been Mellow" by Olivia Newton-John (U.S.)
Most American readers will see the name Olivia Newton-John and immediately assume the worst for their side during Round One. Even if it wasn't something from the Grease soundtrack, it was probably something just as saccharine. They'd be right, but not necessarily in a bad way: Sometimes you just have to accept what the prevailing sound of the time was accept it. With that understanding, "Have You Never Been Mellow" ain't bad at all. It was her second and final U.S. no. 1. Now look at what the British were listening to for comparison and you might be shocked how dated things can get. We at Music Times often take fun with William Shatner's legendary interpretations of standards, but Telly Savalas' spoken-word ode "If" would either cause a suitor to crack up or slink away silently if you tried serenading them with it today. Sovalas should have left if to original performers Bread and stuck with his badass television role as Kojak.
ROUND ONE: United States
1985: "You Spin Me Round (Like A Record)" by Dead or Alive (UK) vs. "Can't Fight This Feeling" by REO Speedwagon (U.S.)
"You Spin Me Round (Like A Record)" covered itself in '80s and then took off for 2015, kind of like Marty McFly in Back To The Future 2, and just like the film, we don't question anything. Despite terrorist attempts to wreck the legacy of Dead or Alive's masterpiece (we're not providing you a link to the site. We'll just advise you not to look for it), "You Spin Me Round" has kept on turning up. REO Speedwagon is equally coated in '80s, but not the kind that escapes into future generations. "Can't Fight This Feeling" isn't a bad song...it just isn't "You Spin Me Round." This classic never even cracked the Top 10 of the Billboard Hot 100, kind of suggesting that the UK knew what was going on in the mid-'80s. Watch out...here they come to tie the ballgame.
ROUND TWO: United Kingdom
1995: "Think Twice" by Celine Dion (UK) vs. "Take A Bow" by Madonna (U.S.)
The Cold War had since ended by this point, so the United States needed to get into another battle where both sides brought essentially the same weapons to the party. The U.S. bought American and bought into Detroit's Madonna big time, keeping her at the top of the Billboard 100 for seven weeks with her ballad "Take A Bow," the longest streak ever for the pop icon. The UK has always had a strong association with Ontario but instead it opted to go for a Quebec native in the form of Celine Dion, who also sang her way into our broken hearts with a ballad. Neither of these singles is the performer's best work, to be sure, but we're more inclined to listen to Dion at this point. "Think Twice" may not be "My Heart Will Go On" but it's the kind of fare we expect from Dion, and while Madonna is capable of pulling off a ballad...this wasn't her best. We look forward to 1998's Ray of Light instead.
ROUND THREE: United Kingdom
2005: "Dakota" by Stereophonics (UK) vs. "Candy Shop" by 50 Cent (U.S.)
It's unlikely that you'll ever find any week in the charts of both nations that so clearly demonstrates the difference in tastes between the United States and the United Kingdom. On one hand you have the Stereophonics, a pop-friendly rock band from Wales, which serves as almost a precursor to Ed Sheeran...and on the other hand you have 50 Cent, perhaps the biggest name from hip-hop's most begotten, brick-headed era. This would be the former band's only no. 1 song after appearing in the Top 50 many a time, perhaps because this is also its most streamlined recording. The American emcee was slightly less subtle in his pursuit of the girl, notably referencing his "lollipop" during the hook. If it were "In Da Club," maybe, but we can't in good conscience pretend "Candy Shop" was a better effort, much less a good song from Fitty's oeuvre.
ROUND FOUR: United Kingdom
2015: "King" by Years & Years (UK) vs. "Uptown Funk" by Mark Ronson (U.S.)
True, the UK has already won our competition at this point, and we're just as disappointed as the rest of our American readers. Fortunately we can take solace in knowing that, at least for the moment, the U.S. is back on top. "Uptown Funk" is a heck of a pop single, as derivative as it may be from the funky sound of bands passed. Mark Ronson, ironically a Brit, secured the win by securing Bruno Mars as the vocalist for this single, and then supplemented that with as much horns as we could handle. Years & Years has a ton of promise as "King" demonstrates, sounding somewhat a hybrid between Maroon 5 with house music sensibilities. U.S. makes things tighter but too late in the game.
ROUND FIVE: United States
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