There are a million "what-if" questions throughout rock history, but some of the biggest relate to musicians who have tragically passed away. What would they be doing if they were still alive today? Here's what I think eleven iconic musicians would be doing today if they were still alive.
1. Jimi Hendrix
Hendrix's last great album was released at some point in the '70s. Today, he's going the Santana route, selling his soul and tarnishing his good name by playing inconsequential yet still massively successful pop music with young stars, though every once in a while he shows up at a Rock & Roll Hall of Fame or Grammy ceremony to remind everyone that he can still rip. He's made some interesting psychedelic/jazz fusion albums with Omar Rodriguez-Lopez, but few people have heard them.
2. Freddie Mercury
Mercury is serving as a judge on American Idol, which is the only thing that anyone under 18 knows him from, and this makes dads all across the country go insane. Queen still tours and records, but even though the new albums suck, everyone still loves Freddie Mercury. He occasionally makes guest appearances on The Tonight Show doing surprisingly funny bits with Jimmy Fallon.
3. Bob Marley
Bob Marley had an awful, embarrassing '80s, pretty much like everyone else from the '70s did. However, he made a comeback in the '90s, recording an album that was just okay but sold an insane amount of copies and eventually won album of the year at the Grammys, even though it definitely didn't deserve it. He plays Bonnaroo and Coachella all the time, obviously, and is surprisingly fit for someone his age. He has fathered approximately 100 children.
4. Kurt Cobain
Nirvana split before the end of the '90s, and Kurt Cobain continued doing the stripped-down acoustic thing he did on MTV Unplugged. Even though his solo albums are highly anticipated and receive rave reviews from Rolling Stone, everyone knows they're not as good as the Nirvana albums. During solo performance, fans pester him to play "Smells Like Teen Spirit," which results in some excellent, hilarious rants that make their way to Youtube the next morning. The only time he's played with Nirvana since the split is at the recent Rock & Roll Hall of Fame performance, and there are currently rumors that they're working on a new album. The album probably won't be very good.
5. The Notorious B.I.G.
Like many rappers, Biggie has a second career in acting, and like Ice Cube, he often makes appearances in family friendly comedies that are seen only by people who know nothing of his music. His size has caused him to be typecast as big, cuddly teddybears.
6. Jim Morrison
Jim Morrison raises horses out West and nobody really hears from him anymore. The last thing he did was direct a surrealist movie in the late '70s starring Iggy Pop, which critics despised but has become one of those movies that college students show each other when they're high. People assume that he left the public eye because he fried his brain with LSD, like Syd Barrett.
7. John Lennon
John Lennon continues disappointing Beatles fans by releasing a schmaltzy, self-centered album every once in a while that's nowhere nearly as good as anything he wrote with the Beatles, though he occasionally impresses indie rock fans with his interest in avant-garde noise music and his collaborations with his son Sean and Thurston Moore. He made a guest appearance on Paul McCartney's latest album, so the two are on good terms. He and Yoko Ono are still married.
8. Elvis Presley
At age 79, Elvis doesn't perform anymore, but he did surprise plenty of his fans by speaking at the Republican National Convention in 2012, though whenever his speech is replayed on the news in the following days, subtitles are added due to how incomprehensible his speech has become in recent years. Pundits argue about whether the audience at the convention was laughing with him or at him. Although Elvis accuses President Obama of being born in Kenya, the President still admits that he's a fan of the King.
9. Frank Zappa
In the last ten years, Zappa has written songs skewering the following topics: hipsters, EDM/dubstep, the Tea Party, Occupy Wall Street, third wave feminism, the Internet, Islamic extremists, gay marriage, marijuana legalization, Kanye West, the Kardashians, Mumford & Sons-style arena folk, and much more. His best work is his classical work, but not many people know about it.
10. Michael Jackson
Since there were about ten years between his two child molestation trials, he's due for another one about now, but he's still gonna go free. He's collaborated with Justin Bieber, which everyone made plenty of predictable jokes about. His face has only gotten worse, and by this point he's got less nose than Voldemort.
11. Sid Vicious
There's absolutely no way Sid Vicious could have lived any longer than he already did.
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