Do YOU Believe: Conclusive Proof That Cher Is a Vampire

By
Cher
Frazer Harrison/Getty Images

Cher is a Vampire, and we mean that as the highest of compliments.

Yes, we are well situated within the merriment and cheer of the winter holiday season, Halloween now merely a distant memory of a temperate October. However, just because the season for celebrating mysterious creatures of the night has come and gone does not mean that they have ceased to exist. One such person is Cher.

That's right. Cher is a vampire.

Fans of the mega-star around the world have taken to deeming the sensation a vampiress, and believe us, this a compliment through and through. We are not here saying that she is sucking out the blood of helpless victims by cloak of night. Cher is not a Bram Stoker vampire.

Instead, fans are referencing the singer's apparent immortality, in fame, work, and aesthetic. She has proven herself to be living at her own pace, not constricted by the withering effect that time has on most mere mortals. The ways in which Cher has stood to challenge time means that she either has a Dorian Gray portrait hanging in some attic in her home, OR she immortal.

As she has provided the world with only goodness, entertainment, and inspiration, we are feeling the need to go with the second option.

If you are still feeling unconvinced that Cher is absolutely and definitively a vampire, here is some proofs that may lead you to agree that she is most certainly and unequivocally a vampire.

Cher is Ageless

This year, Cher turned 76. She was born on May 20th of the year 1946. Yes, one more time. Cher was born in the 1940s. She does not look it at all. Before you start thinking that this is just your run-of-the-mill compliment, check out this video someone posted of her from this very year.

The star looks like she did years ago. She looks almost the same. Of course, she may not be ENTIRELY identically, but that is rather a mark to her superior intelligence than it is to her lack of being a vampire. Any intelligent vampire that wants to fit in WOULD make themselves look as if they had aged a LITTLE, just to ensure that they were not arousing suspicion from the world as a whole.

Of course, we here have caught on to Cher's vampiressness, but we are here to celebrate it!

Confidence

They say that wisdom comes with age. Well, Cher has been dropping truth bombs left and right for years. She has maintained a confidence and a mature sensibility about herself since the day she hit the limelight, and this confidence has continued to carry through her to the incredible woman we all laud her to be today.

Truly, she has a confidence and intelligence so profound, that she simply must have an advantage over the rest of humanity. Well, if she IS a vampire (which she DEFINITELY IS) that would imply that she has had, quite possibly, hundreds and hundreds of years to accumulate her wisdom and sense of self. Furthermore, the rate at which she spreads this knowledge is not slowing with age. In an interview clip someone posted of the star on the Kelly Clarkson Show, she shared, "I mean, I'm not giving up my personality for anybody, okay?" That is said with the stoic assurance of someone who has seen the world (for FAR longer than the rest of us have).

Sure, we may be onto the fact that she is a vampire, but she will not be giving that up for anyone! We are thrilled that she won't!

Timelessly Good

The petty foibles of humanity are something that we hope we all grow out of with age. That is the reason that we are confident that middle schoolers are forever more vicious than most other human beings. Cher is so effortlessly good that it can only stand that she has had more time than most to iron out her sheer goodness. She has had all of this extra time because she is a vampire.

Just a few short days ago, she hosted an impromptu screening of the film Till, a movie about Emmit Till. Her friend called her at the last second asking her to host the screening. While at first she was going to say that there would be too much work to you, she quickly and openly changed direction when she heard about the subject matter of the film. With caps-lock fully engaged, the star tweeted out:

"LATE AFTERNOON MY FRIEND COLLEEN CALLED & SAID 'CHER PLS HOST SCREENING' (im thinking NO WAY..MAKE UP/HAIR)THEN SHE SAID ITS STORY OF 'EMMETT TILL' CALLED 'TILL' I SAID 'IM THERE'. E.TILL HAS BEEN IN My [heart] 4 AS LONG AS I CAN REMEMBER. FILM WAS AMAZING, I TOLD DANIELLE DEADWYLER...(ACTRESS WHO PLAYED EMMETT'S MOM) HER PERFORMANCE WAS '1 OF BEST IVE EVER SEEN'. ALL ACTORS WERE CAST PERFECTLY. DIR. CHINONYE CHUKWU DID REMARKABLE JOB. & WHOOPI WAS GREAT AS ALWAYS. IT BREAKS UR [heart] THEN SHOWS U THE INDOMITABLE STRENGTH OF A MOTHER.SHE DID SOMETHING UNIMAGINABLE..."

She saw the importance of this screening, acted quickly, and continues to elevate this incredibly important story. Cher is the kind of excellent that only comes with lifetimes of experience.

THIS MOMENT

This interview on The Kelly Clarkson Show is really providing us with more fuel for our Cher-is-a-vampire fire. Thank you Kelly Clarkson! During the interview, the star is talking about making her iconic song "Believe". The song was released back in October of 1998. That means the song is 24 years old and is still being played over and over again today. Her music is as immortal as she is. (This article really reads with more zest and bounce if you jam along to the song "Believe" while reading it. You can play it right here to give this article a little more Vampire Cher spice!)

The song is widely known for its extreme and exciting pitch modulations. There is a reason behind these pitch changes. In the interview clip, Cher shares: "So I got 'Believe', and the chorus was great, but the verse was terrible. But my producer, who I never had a cross word with, kept saying, 'You have to sing it better, you have to sing it better.' And I said, 'Babe, if you want it sung better get somebody else. So then, I left, and then he said, 'I've been playing around with the pitch machine, and I think I might have something.' So I went in and I sat next to him, and he started to play it. And it was unbelievable because there was never anything like it." Cher's music is as timeless as she is because she has always been outside of the box. Of course, as a vampire living her life as a famous human being, there will be times when mortal methods do not work. The pitch had to be modulated, away from what any human has done before, better connecting this specific song to her supernatural qualities. Vampire.
It is well known, however, that not everyone is prone to except the extraordinary. The people at the record company at the time tried to take this edited part out of the song, saying it did not sound like her. Cher quicklky quipped, "You can take it out over my dead f****** body." The star was able to defend her song, making it the lasting masterpiece that it is today. Through this threat she exhibits a fearlessness in the face of death– a fearlessness that can truly only come from one who is entirely unafraid. How is she so readily able to remain undaunted by something that can shake even the strongest of those among us? Vampire. Vampire. Vampire. Vampire. Vampire.

As Relevant Today As She Has Ever Been

It is one of the governing rules of vampires that they can't enter a home unless they have been invited in. That has been what has happened to Cher throughout the illustrious course of her career. While the celebrity of some ebbs and flows, she has remained consistent. The only explanation is that she has been able to perform her full powers to the best of her abilities since the moment that she was invited into the pop-culture realm. In it, she has found a warmth and security which strikingly few have ever been able to find. While Cher has had an illustrious career that has last for years, her fame and adoration from her fans is unwavering. While times change, she remains perfectly herself, but the culture still finds its way of returning back to her. Cher posted a picture of herself just eleven hours ago. It is a background-less picture of herself leaning up against a wall.

With the rapidity of only the most dedicated fans, people have grabbed this photo and funneled the star into a very popular, seasonal, and hilarious meme. Within the format, people write, "You've heard of Elf on the Shelf, but now I give you," and they show a picture of a different person or item on top of something else of similar poetic rhythm for the sake of comedy.

Her effortless engagement in modern pop-culture shows us that the star will not be leaving. She was invited in. Now she will stay with the ability to use her powers to their full capacity.

If you are still on the fence about whether or not Cher is a vampire, you are probably just a vampire in denial yourself. Cher is iconic and immortal. We are so lucky that this Vampire has decided to spend her life making positive change and creating beautiful art.

Tags
Cher, Kelly Clarkson, Believe

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