Acts like One Direction and Taylor Swift have created armies of super-creepy, devoted fans. We're not talking about the typical Directioner...we're talking about the stalkers and X-rated fan fiction writers. Fortunately this isn't the '60s, where fans could apparently infiltrate the music industry and send messages to their idols. The best example is Elvis Presley, specifically his hit "Are You Lonesome Tonight?," which according to Billboard generated at least four songs titled "Yes, I'm Lonesome Tonight" and one "Oh, How I Miss You Tonight" as "answers" to his question. Odds are these songs were more about profits than untamed hormones, but we love the idea of response tracks.
Check out a few theoretical conversations consisting of song-title Q&As below.
"Turn Down For What" (DJ Snake)..."Do It For Love" (Hall & Oates)
DJ Snake, Lil Jon and rest of their happening friends are hosting a block party somewhere, when suddenly the now older Daryl Hall and John Oates stick their heads out the window of a nearby apartment building, requesting the partiers turn it down. "Turn down?!?" asks an angry Lil Jon. "Turn down for what?" "Well," responds Oates. "You could do it for the kids." His roommate has a better idea however. "Why not, ahem, do it for the love?," explaining the beauty of love using the lyrics from the duo's Behind Music Episode original to make the point. Snake is confused. "Uh, sure, right," he says. "But not what we're aiming for tonight."
"Who Do You Think You Are?" (Spice Girls)..."I'm Henery The Eighth, I Am" (R.P. Weston)
The Spice Girls are enjoying a lovely Saturday afternoon, hanging around and picnicking on the grass at a park in London. Suddenly they're approached by a man dressed in stately attire ("roughly 450 years out of style" notes fashion expert Posh), who clearly has pillows tucked up the front of his gown to appear wider. The man asks the ladies how they feel about marrying him and possibly having their heads chopped off when he gets bored. Appalled, they collectively ask "Who do you think you are?" to which the man, whom they now recognize as turn-of-the-century British songwriter R.P. Weston, responds: "I'm Henery the Eighth, I am."
(the most popular version)
"Do You Really Want To Hurt Me?" (Culture Club)..."I Want To Murder You Like They Do In The Movies" (Marilyn Manson
Boy George is having a lovely night on the town when suddenly he notices a figure across the bar, dressed sharply and looking rather morose. The man also has a thin face and pale tone, a feature that George has always found attractive (he's been described as a narcissist as well). He figures he's got a great opportunity to make a great impression, by cheering up the night for this sad-looking fellow. Alas, he finds quickly that the man is in no mood to be wooed. No mood at all. After sending back all the drinks George attempts to buy for him, the Culture Club vocalist finally asks "do you really want to hurt me?" More than that it turns out...Marilyn Manson sneers as he declares "I want to murder you like they do in the movies."
"Where Is The Love?" (Black Eyed Peas)..."Love Is In The Air" (John Paul Young)
The Black Eyed Peas are pretty glum after watching reports of war, violence and poverty all around the world. "Where is the love?" they ask, presumably in rhetorical fashion. "Why, love is in the air!" exclaims '70s disco star John Paul Young, who overheard the group as he was sauntering by. "What are you saying man?" demands Will.i.am, who is feeling particularly paranoid after watching the aforementioned reports. "Are you suggesting that Russia has actually converted love into a gaseous chemical compound and is releasing it into the air supply?!?" Young is confused by this drastic shift in direction. "No, man, I...wait what?"
"Do Ya Think I'm Sexy?" (Rod Stewart)..."No" (Shakira)
It's an excellent Grammys after-party at the Four Seasons Beverly Hills and Rod Stewart is feeling good. He's had a few drinks and now he's walking around the party, greeting every female performer with his classic line "Do ya think I'm sexy?" The ladies laugh awkwardly and then resume their conversations with other partygoers. Shakira, for one, has had enough. "No" she answers flatly, to Stewart's surprise. "Look, Rod," she says, trying to soften the blow. "Everyone knows you've got a voice that appeals to some women for sure, but you're too old to be trying this on girls this young." Stewart was outraged by implications. "I've been married since 2007!" he exclaimed. "I just thought it was clever!"
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