Every once in a while, a story comes out that is just way too bizarre not to be true, and luckily, we have stumbled onto one of those today. On Halloween night, 18-year-old Colorado State student Stefan Sortland went to a concert where he took Molly and blew lines of cocaine. Apparently he was not the only one partying a little too hard, because when paramedics finished treating another student on campus, they returned to find their ambulance missing. Luckily, the GPS on board allowed it to be tracked to nearby Loveland, and that is when the real fun began.
According to ABC 7 News, Loveland police officers said they found the ambulance in the middle of Highway 34 with several doors open, heavy front-end damage and fluid leaking. One officer said it appeared the driver of the ambulance had hit the raised median, jumped the curb, hit a sign, went the wrong way and crossed back over the median before stopping.
Officers said they found Sortland standing about 30 yards from the stopped ambulance wearing an EMT vest. Officers shot him with a stun gun when he refused their commands. Sortland had a blanket, a cellphone and a box of Wheat Thins with him.
Sortland was taken to the Loveland Police Department. There he "stood on a bench, kicked the wall and masturbated," according to the police report. Police said that during his interview with officers Sortland made a reference that his "friends/roommates were dead, in heaven and had committed suicide."
Of course, when policed double-checked Sortland's roommates, they were fine.
We have to wonder how much, if any, of this incident Sortland actually remembers. The obvious moral of the story here is that drugs are bad, but can you honestly say that you will ever look at a Wheat Thin and not think of this story again?
Didn't think so.
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